inside out questions
Should I lie for the man,
and be a good little worker bee?
Forgo who I am,
ignore the little voice of me?
Is it time to draw the line?
Stand up to the boss?
Risk the bank time,
and possible loss?
I just want to sleep at night,
and not regret the decisions.
Help the customers right,
avoid these shady intersections.
But I also need the paper,
numbers to add up and spend.
Feel a little safer,
Greedy means to an end.
If I won’t, others will.
Push me aside,
and get their fill.
So I become the Yes Man,
happy with my check.
Follow the big man’s plan,
and buy beer to forget.
little blue dot
A molecule in a freckle on a spec of dust,
floating in a sunbeam…
Their electro-magna-scopes sends an image.
Jumping eyes, my ADHD in HD,
GPS avatar marks the spot.
I sit on a pillar in the middle of the empty,
the edges just out of reach.
My little blue world…
filled with all we ever did know,
with everybody that ever was…
and is…
and will be…
It all means nothing:
my work, my studies, tears and cheers.
The prayers, good deeds, and scary fears.
Fill up the dumpster with old Wal-Mart Specials,
Along side leftovers and mortgage papers.
Why does it matter?
As I ride this little blue world?
It all ends up at Trash Mountain, anyways.
Decades of gifts, hand me downs and shredded bank files.
Then Mom calls, and I realize:
I’m just a pixel on a dot in a mural of everything,
as another spec floats by.
“Hi Mom!” 🙂
OK to let go
Tyler Durden is right,
It is OK to let go.
If you hang on too tight,
your life does not flow.
Planning ahead is stress.
Looking back is regret.
Smile for the insta-gram-moment,
and your navigation is set.
Do not try to be the rock,
In the flowing river of time.
Go with the future current,
and embrace what you find.
friends
I am truly blessed,
even when I want to be alone.
I am missed,
as I try to coil up on my own.
Friends and family,
who see through the facade.
They call just to say hi,
my personal rescue squad.
A ride to the airport,
or couch to sleep on.
A few bucks you can borrow,
watch the dog while I’m gone.
Gifts in different shapes and sizes,
at different times in my life.
All great people,
help carry me through the strife.
Circles intersect circles,
at birthdays and barbeques.
Happy cheers holding beers,
pictures you never lose.
I want us all to come together,
One giant circle of friends.
All in on my thank you toast…
its all over
silence from the snooze bar
leaky squeak of the shower knob
hiss of the coffee machine steam
ding of the burnt tinged bagel
muffled click of the deadbolt
squeak of worn brakes
quiet silence of an expired mp3
rattle and huff of the cooling engine
quiet snuff of the mechanical door
I wait all eight hours for the happy symphony of windows shutting down
squeal of arming the alarm
bright goodbye’s and sunny see ya tomorrow’s
I gotta get these brakes fixed
jingle of keys that alert Fido
grocery bags crinkle on the counter
beep of the microwave popcorn
last gurgle of beer
and ping of the empty bottle in the full trash bin
white noise of a static channel
is it too early in the morning
or too late at night?
that guy in traffic
Alarm clock dog on my face,
awake, take a walk.
Now off to the traffic line,
and tetris into place.
Changing channel radio talk show ride,
drifting day dream about how to get out…
CAR!!!
ADRENALINE FLASH
“YOU CUT ME OFF!!!”
RAAAAAGGGGGGEEEE!!!
IDIOT!!!
You Will Not Get Away! Â Asshole Driver!
I scream and spasm with foul hand gestures
I must look stupid from the outside with no sound
Nothing Else Matters But Justice!
This Dick Must Pay!!!
Work, future thoughts, safety,
gone like my exhaust as I pursue.
The car is older, rustier, with bad tires,
window tint stuck on like dirty saran wrap.
Weaves in and out, cuts another off.
They are fast, in a hurry,
Join the fucking club, pal.
Then a commercial…
Why am I following this loser?
Where is all the hate coming from?
Just because they can’t drive?
Like water off a duck, let it bounce off.
Breathe…
Relax…
Let go of the rusty old car.
Looks like they have their own problems, anyways.
No need to add to mine…
Good luck loser, I gotta rotate and get back in line.
Her
She grabbed me.
all of me, without even looking.
Stamped her logo upon my soul.
It is the reason why the heart holds hope,
why you keep going.
And ever since…
Everything else forgot relevance.
Her beauty teleported my eyes;
bills, money, modern paper problems…
Now filed under never mind, does not matter.
A wake up call for life,
She inspired changes for the better.
Clear out the smoke, put the bottle down.
She could be my new purpose,
the parties always end, bottles are made to empty.
The batteries die, the ice melted,
the sun comes up, people go home.
I played my share of beer pong.
I drank the body shots off the bosom of life’s hotties,
as they lay on the bar under the tiki hut.
Tokes and snorts all night long,
I funneled in the fun until it soaked my shirt,
and slept on bathroom floor…
like an empty, crumpled beer can that missed the garbage.
And I woke up the next day, and said never again.
I looked in the mirror, rubbed my bloodshot eyes
asked for a reason… Â or an answer.
But nothing happened,
no lightning bolt or magic revelation.
Just keep going, and try to be better;
until one morning. Â My timing became perfect.
My path crossed with a miracle.
Finally…
Now I know for sure,
why life waited all this time.
I realized it was Her.
Keep Going
Saw this on http://www.thechive.com, and when you are having a tough time, it makes a lot of sense.
facade
an image no one can see
shakes inside my mind
I must maintain the look
and cannot fail this time
safe only in dark indoors
afraid of the invisible fan clubÂ
stand in front of the mirror
stare at your grub
I feel a pressure
only my fear can feel
created in my busy mind
until it pushes for real
examine each hair
straighten and align
I cannot let down the crowds
I must be my fine
cool, hip
dressed to not look like a douche
find my only little style
no one else wants to push
WTF
WTF?
some people in the world just suck
how could they think this up?
did they not have a mom, a home
a little blue sippy cup?
anger
REVENGE!
I NEED TO SEE IT NOW!
I feel the rage swell up inside
Let me at them!
But this is not the path to heal
anger is a purity steal,
it just postpones the real pain
waking up in the nightmare again
The good will always out shine the bad
If not, we would not be here now
to see our everyday miracles
keep this in your hearts
explain that to the children
they will understand
but never the hate of man
shannon apollo 